Thanks for reading

..Whoever you all are :)

1 week until test 2. I feel like medical school is going to be a never ending cycle of countdowns to the next test, so we'll always have something to be studying for and something hanging over our heads. I had a lot of fun this weekend not studying as much as I should have. This week needs to be balls to the wall and productive. I spent 4 hours in the ED yesterday with my preceptor at a community hospital. Lots of cool stories. Promise I'll update later!

Busy week!

This week has been non-stop. Yesterday was long but fulfilling in so many ways. I woke up at 6am and lay there in bed for a good 3-5 minutes weighing the pros and cons of going to Trauma Conference before class. Somehow I forced myself up and jumped into the shower, which helped. Trauma Conference is a weekly teaching point where presentations are made about various trauma cases that have come into OHSU recently. This week, there were two motor vehicle vs. pedestrian cases and one where a man came into the ER with GI bleeding due to a rare surgical weight loss procedure done several years before. It was called a Salmon procedure and it apparently helped him go from 560 lbs to 230. Dr. Salmon, from Eugene, pioneered the procedure but has since fled the country or something to that effect.

Class was long but interesting. We went over the abdominal cavity so now I have a little understanding of how those organs function and their relationships to each other. Lab today was the spermatic cord and the testis. Soooo glad we had a female, I was cringing at just the thought of slicing through the scrotum and cutting a testicle in half.

During our lunch break, I went to an elective course for Greek/Latin medical terminology, or something like that. It was interesting but I was zoning out pretty hard core. Then we had Principles of Clinical Medicine 1-5pm, which we do every Wednesday. We had a lecture on the BATHE technique, another one of the million acronyms they expect us to know...it's about empathizing with the patient and making sure they can air any of their concerns that may not necessarily be medically related. After that, we learned how to do a basic heart exam with the stethoscope. Its nice knowing how to actually use it, since that's kind of our go-to tool and what everyone expects us to use!

At night I went to the Atul Gawande talk on medicine and health care reform. I read his book Better and he used some of the same stories in his talk! He's a casual, simple speaker and it was a pretty engaging talk. A lot of his talk was about how to make medicine better. My friend Leanna went with me and we had a good time.

So my day pretty much lasted from 6am-11:30pm. I am in Medicine after all so I better get used to it right? :)

Yesterday

Great Day:
1. The sun was out during the day. The stars were out at night. Perfect weather.
2. Held a human heart in my hand. Amazing.
3. Played basketball!!
4. Global Health Synopsium. Inspiring speaker and interesting student presentations. Looking forward to traveling this summer after two straight at home.
5. Portland Timbers game. Great fans, 2-1 win. Portland really is Soccer City USA
6. SkinniDip Frozen yogurt. First time!
7. The Hangover. 7th Time! (just as funny as the 1st)

Part of me will always Love you.

Sometimes I don't think you realize all you put me through,

and I'm no longer sure you care about anything I did for you.

You left me, you lied

I crumbled, I cried

A million broken promises weigh heavy in my heart,

Will I ever get used to us being apart?

Our happy future is what you threw it away.

I grieve silently, cause what is there left to say.

I would have given it all up, anything for you,

But how can I now, when I see your intentions are untrue?

You've hurt me so badly, and in so many ways,

Please tell me why, its still you I think about, each and every day?

Sweetheart it was you, it was you all along,

but you gave me up, and you asked me to move on.

Before we were done, you already found someone else,

someone to replace me, and any feelings you felt.

Will you have any regrets?

Do I deserve any semblance of respect?

I tried so hard, to understand,

to be here for you, and to be your man.

Thanks for the memories, I'll keep them safe.

You opened up my heart to a whole new world.

Sights, sounds, smiles and secrets,

To have been in Love,

What a feeling.

To Be Continued..

Life goes on

So the test went about as well as I could have hoped. I love my school. The faculty are amazing and my classmates are so supportive. The second years really take care of us. We walked into school today to find a long table filled with snacks, sweets, and fruit, cookies, cakes, brownies and everything else that they set up for us to help us through our first exam day. We will definitely have to pay the kindness forward to next year's class!

The test was straightforward. If you had put in the time to go over the material, then you should have had no problem with it. I can't say with confidence that the past several weeks have been conducive to me studying, so I'm not expecting honors but I'm confident for the rest of this course.

I've been fighting and fighting but I'm losing out. I can't do anything right when it comes to us anymore. It's affecting me mentally and I can feel my personality being thrown on the backburner as this distant, moody, vacant me emerges for the rest of the world to see. I'm glad I have 4 years with my classmates to bust out of this shell.

Block 2 started today. We are working on the thorax and abdomen. We dissected our cadaver's thoracic cavity and I held her lungs in my hand. The human body is truly amazing. I find myself tired and complacent at the moment so I will end here. Sorry for the piss poor writing, I'm better than this, I swear!

Exam Day

It's our first test today! I woke up several times during the night confused out of my mind and thinking of only one thing: The girl who broke my heart. It's been this way for two weeks now and I can only hope it will end soon. She hurt me and continues to hurt me in so many ways. I think it says a lot that 4 hours before the first test of my medical school career, I am here writing because about a glorious failed relationship and the first Love of my life instead of devoting myself to the profession I've always dreamed of entering.

I am forcing myself to hit the books now, but last night, I was reminded by the amazing contributors of post secret that there can be a silver lining:

click

It's just hard to accept.