Two weeks or so until Christmas break. Lots of updating to do! Maybe some other night.

Happy Holidays

Anatomy is over!!!1!111!!!

I survived my first class in medical school! I made it out fine, slightly worse for the wear but in good spirits. Next week we have our Principles of Clinical Medicine exam which consists of a two hour written test and a GOSCE (Group something something clinical exam). Basically me and my gosce group of 4 other people will be utilizing our patient history and all the different clinical exam skills we've learned on fake patients aka paid actors. Good times! I can't wait until Thanksgiving because I have 4 different exams in the next two weeks.

We've started our next course, Cell, Structure, Function which is notoriously tough. The course coordinator basically told us it was going to rock our worlds. So I have that to look forward to. It's a combination of cell biology, histology, biochemistry, genetics, that sort of thing.

Life's been good. We had an intramural basketball game on Tuesday which went into overtime. I had a wide open shot in regulation with 25 seconds left that would have won it...but it rattled in and out. Then I missed a few more times in OT, also open. They were my shots to MAKE. So it was a bit painful. I feel like I let my teammates down and I hate letting people down in general.

I'd like to exercise more but I need to figure out how. Tennis, biking, running basketball...Also, I can't wait for ski season to start!!!

Oh yeah, for lunch today I had Brie cheese with an artisan baugette. I was so happy.

Thank You and Rest in Peace.

Today was the last day of anatomy lab. It has been a memorable 11 weeks and a lot has changed since we first walked into the lab wet behind the ears and in complete awe. I had a moment today when we said goodbye to our cadaver, our patient. We learned so much from her, and it was what she wanted. I felt like she could rest now, that her life had finally reached the closure she deserved.

I have a test on Monday and I have no idea what is going on. It's on the head and neck and there are so many little things crammed in that small space that all look the same. I'm worried and I need more motivation.

Some random thoughts:

Good people make my day.

My classmates are wonderful.

I wish I saw my family more.

I hope I am on my way to where I ultimately want to be in life.

Test coming up on Monday. The end of anatomy is something to look forward to but the next course, CSF is not. Supposedly, its the hardest one in all of medical school. Rough seas ahead! Lots to study, write, prep but Things is good. It was a beautiful fall day and the privilege of being in my position hits me every so often and just enough to remind me that I am blessed to have this opportunity and my whole life ahead of me.

Things are lookin up

I've been improving my test scores one test to the next and I think my head is finally back on straight. It's a great feeling. I finally feel like I'm having fun again. We are dissecting the head and neck in lab now and seeing the face of our cadaver was the most powerful moment of anatomy so far. It was also the first time I felt like I might throw up, it made everything so much more personal and real.

Patient story:

A man came into the emergency room with swelling in his knee and ankle. He was running a 102 mile race around Mount Hood when he planted awkwardly on his knee on mile 24. So he did what any reasonable man would do...he ran ANOTHER 75 miles on it before collapsing on mile 99. He ran all through the night, hoping he wouldn't let his team down. By the time he got to us, both his knee and his ankle were wrecked. He had been favoring his knee and in turn put too much pressure on some of his ankle ligaments. We casted him and sent him on his way, he had to be back on a flight to the UK. Moral: People are crazy/incredible :)

John Mayer: Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hX-nuY9LJAs

Next exam is Monday. I'm committed to rocking it. Can hardly believe it's been nearly 8 weeks of medical school. I got off to a rocky start but I am trying hard to move on and get my head screwed on straight. I want to be myself again! But it takes time. I guess I have a lot to update but I am a serial procrastinator. It's late and I need sleep. I get sleepy and it's not even midnight, the undergrad Carson would be up until 3am doing whatever he wanted. Of course, he had class at noon everyday and played basketball until nearly midnight. Those were the days..!

Medical School, week 7

So the test is over and I'm halfway through another week. Today was long...8am-8pm. I am taking a medical spanish course that is an extra two hours on Wednesdays, which was already our longest day of the week. It'll be worth it though, at the end of the 8 week course, I'll take a test and try to get certified as a medical interpreter! I can't think of a more useful way to utilize all the Spanish I have taken over the years.

School has been busy but I've had some time for myself as well. I've seen some crazy things in the Emergency Department and learned how to do a Heart and an Abdominal Exam. I've made a lot of good friends and I am so happy to be surrounded by such talented, caring, friendly and fun people. I've made some good friends outside of medical school as well, and I'm truly grateful to retain a connection to the outside world. My parents have been as supportive as ever and my sister down in Salem has been a wonderful person to talk to when things aren't going my way. I am lucky in so many ways.

I'm also playing basketball again and I've missed it so much. I barely played this summer but we have an Intramural team assembled and we start playing in about week. It's great stress relief. That's it for now, more clinical stuff another day when I'm not so drained.

take care,

carson

Thanks for reading

..Whoever you all are :)

1 week until test 2. I feel like medical school is going to be a never ending cycle of countdowns to the next test, so we'll always have something to be studying for and something hanging over our heads. I had a lot of fun this weekend not studying as much as I should have. This week needs to be balls to the wall and productive. I spent 4 hours in the ED yesterday with my preceptor at a community hospital. Lots of cool stories. Promise I'll update later!

Busy week!

This week has been non-stop. Yesterday was long but fulfilling in so many ways. I woke up at 6am and lay there in bed for a good 3-5 minutes weighing the pros and cons of going to Trauma Conference before class. Somehow I forced myself up and jumped into the shower, which helped. Trauma Conference is a weekly teaching point where presentations are made about various trauma cases that have come into OHSU recently. This week, there were two motor vehicle vs. pedestrian cases and one where a man came into the ER with GI bleeding due to a rare surgical weight loss procedure done several years before. It was called a Salmon procedure and it apparently helped him go from 560 lbs to 230. Dr. Salmon, from Eugene, pioneered the procedure but has since fled the country or something to that effect.

Class was long but interesting. We went over the abdominal cavity so now I have a little understanding of how those organs function and their relationships to each other. Lab today was the spermatic cord and the testis. Soooo glad we had a female, I was cringing at just the thought of slicing through the scrotum and cutting a testicle in half.

During our lunch break, I went to an elective course for Greek/Latin medical terminology, or something like that. It was interesting but I was zoning out pretty hard core. Then we had Principles of Clinical Medicine 1-5pm, which we do every Wednesday. We had a lecture on the BATHE technique, another one of the million acronyms they expect us to know...it's about empathizing with the patient and making sure they can air any of their concerns that may not necessarily be medically related. After that, we learned how to do a basic heart exam with the stethoscope. Its nice knowing how to actually use it, since that's kind of our go-to tool and what everyone expects us to use!

At night I went to the Atul Gawande talk on medicine and health care reform. I read his book Better and he used some of the same stories in his talk! He's a casual, simple speaker and it was a pretty engaging talk. A lot of his talk was about how to make medicine better. My friend Leanna went with me and we had a good time.

So my day pretty much lasted from 6am-11:30pm. I am in Medicine after all so I better get used to it right? :)

Yesterday

Great Day:
1. The sun was out during the day. The stars were out at night. Perfect weather.
2. Held a human heart in my hand. Amazing.
3. Played basketball!!
4. Global Health Synopsium. Inspiring speaker and interesting student presentations. Looking forward to traveling this summer after two straight at home.
5. Portland Timbers game. Great fans, 2-1 win. Portland really is Soccer City USA
6. SkinniDip Frozen yogurt. First time!
7. The Hangover. 7th Time! (just as funny as the 1st)

Part of me will always Love you.

Sometimes I don't think you realize all you put me through,

and I'm no longer sure you care about anything I did for you.

You left me, you lied

I crumbled, I cried

A million broken promises weigh heavy in my heart,

Will I ever get used to us being apart?

Our happy future is what you threw it away.

I grieve silently, cause what is there left to say.

I would have given it all up, anything for you,

But how can I now, when I see your intentions are untrue?

You've hurt me so badly, and in so many ways,

Please tell me why, its still you I think about, each and every day?

Sweetheart it was you, it was you all along,

but you gave me up, and you asked me to move on.

Before we were done, you already found someone else,

someone to replace me, and any feelings you felt.

Will you have any regrets?

Do I deserve any semblance of respect?

I tried so hard, to understand,

to be here for you, and to be your man.

Thanks for the memories, I'll keep them safe.

You opened up my heart to a whole new world.

Sights, sounds, smiles and secrets,

To have been in Love,

What a feeling.

To Be Continued..

Life goes on

So the test went about as well as I could have hoped. I love my school. The faculty are amazing and my classmates are so supportive. The second years really take care of us. We walked into school today to find a long table filled with snacks, sweets, and fruit, cookies, cakes, brownies and everything else that they set up for us to help us through our first exam day. We will definitely have to pay the kindness forward to next year's class!

The test was straightforward. If you had put in the time to go over the material, then you should have had no problem with it. I can't say with confidence that the past several weeks have been conducive to me studying, so I'm not expecting honors but I'm confident for the rest of this course.

I've been fighting and fighting but I'm losing out. I can't do anything right when it comes to us anymore. It's affecting me mentally and I can feel my personality being thrown on the backburner as this distant, moody, vacant me emerges for the rest of the world to see. I'm glad I have 4 years with my classmates to bust out of this shell.

Block 2 started today. We are working on the thorax and abdomen. We dissected our cadaver's thoracic cavity and I held her lungs in my hand. The human body is truly amazing. I find myself tired and complacent at the moment so I will end here. Sorry for the piss poor writing, I'm better than this, I swear!

Exam Day

It's our first test today! I woke up several times during the night confused out of my mind and thinking of only one thing: The girl who broke my heart. It's been this way for two weeks now and I can only hope it will end soon. She hurt me and continues to hurt me in so many ways. I think it says a lot that 4 hours before the first test of my medical school career, I am here writing because about a glorious failed relationship and the first Love of my life instead of devoting myself to the profession I've always dreamed of entering.

I am forcing myself to hit the books now, but last night, I was reminded by the amazing contributors of post secret that there can be a silver lining:

click

It's just hard to accept.